Corrections

Text from Guillaume81 - English

  • Cover letter

  • Dear Ms. MAWSON, I am contacting you because I am deeply interested in the Brand Controller position that is published on your website.
    • I originally obtained a degree in Business Studies, and I’ve currently been working in Paris as a Commercial Controller for one year and a half for the biggest French car maker.
    • Now I would like to have a challenging work experience in the UK.
    • I chose to apply for a job in your company because Entrepreneurship is one of the values that you defend and that I need to be independent in my work.
    • I am a result oriented person, always committed to enhance working processes.
    • For example, I have been in charge of the P&L leasing retreatment for all the G7 European subsidiaries.
    • I had to reduce variances between Estimate and Actual by 20% year to date vs. the same period in 2012.
    • To do so, I have implemented controls on the figures that we obtained from different IT sources, written user guides to help CFO calculate the estimate, and developed key indicators to follow up the action results.
    • At the end of June, we have cut the variances by 27% vs. 2012.
    • Furthermore, I have worked during 3 years in a support department for the SAP applications Business Object Finance and BW which has provided me a good command of financial ERP.
    • I would like the opportunity to be interviewed in person for this position in order to discuss my qualifications further at your time and convenience.
  • Also, I would be glad to provide you with any additional information needed.
  • Thank you for your consideration. Sincerely,

PLEASE, HELP TO CORRECT EACH SENTENCE! - English

  • Title
  • Sentence 1
    • Dear Ms. MAWSON, I am contacting you because I am deeply interested in the Brand Controller position that is published on your website.
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    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 1ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 1
  • Sentence 2
    • I originally obtained a degree in Business Studies, and I’ve currently been working in Paris as a Commercial Controller for one year and a half for the biggest French car maker.
      Vote now!
    • I originally obtained a degree in Business Studies, and I’ve am currently been working in Paris as a Commercial Controller for one year and a half for the biggest French car makand have been for the last year and a half France's largest car manufacturer.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 2ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 2
  • Sentence 3
  • Sentence 4
    • I chose to apply for a job in your company because Entrepreneurship is one of the values that you defend and that I need to be independent in my work.
      Vote now!
    • I chose to apply for a job in your company because Entrepreneurship is one of the, the ability to innovate and work independently (a values that you defend and that I need to be independent in my work), is one of my strengths.
    • I chose toam applying for a job in your company because Entrepreneurship is one of the values that you defend and that I need to be independent in my workyour key values and working independently is one of my strengths.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 4ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 4
  • Sentence 5
  • Sentence 6
  • Sentence 7
  • Sentence 8
    • To do so, I have implemented controls on the figures that we obtained from different IT sources, written user guides to help CFO calculate the estimate, and developed key indicators to follow up the action results.
      Vote now!
    • To do sothis end, I have implemented controls on the figures that we obtained from different IT sources, written user guides to help CFO calculate the estimate, and developed key indicators to follow up the action results.
    • To do so, I have implemented controls on the figures that we obtained from different IT sources, written user guides to help the CFO calculate the estimate, and developed key indicators to follow up the action results.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 8ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 8
  • Sentence 9
  • Sentence 10
    • Furthermore, I have worked during 3 years in a support department for the SAP applications Business Object Finance and BW which has provided me a good command of financial ERP.
      Vote now!
    • Furthermore, I have worked during 3 yearsthree years of experience working in a support department for the SAP applications Business Object Finance and BW which has provided me with a good command of financial ERP.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 10ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 10
  • Sentence 11
    • I would like the opportunity to be interviewed in person for this position in order to discuss my qualifications further at your time and convenience.
      Vote now!
    • I would like the opportunity to be interviewed in person for this position in order to discuss my qualifications further at your time and convenience.
    • I would like the opportunity to bfor a live interviewed in person for this position in order to discuss my qualifications further at your time and convenience.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 11ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 11
  • Sentence 12
  • Sentence 13