Korjaukset

Text from Diane141 - English

  • synthesis

  • I would like to illustrate the notion of progress by talking about the evolution of the technology, the science and social relationships.
  • Progress is made move forward, made go towards an upper degree or a regular evolution of the humanity, the civilization towards an ideal aim.What types of progress affect our life?
  • First, I will speak about the new technology, then secondly, I'll deal with the science progresses and to finish, I'll talk about the social relationships'evolution.
  • - New technologies are everywhere : multimedia, household electrical, phone, car, medical...
  • - many improvements : quality (image, sound, power...), esthetics, yield ... and incite people to consume more to indulge itself - ex : it's the case for apple technology (created by Steve Jobs the 1st April 1976) which seduces the population by his novelty and his quality.
  • All products (computeur : macintosh ; touchpad: Ipad ; phone: Iphone ; Mp4 : Ipod but also applications).
  • Text from an unofficial bigraphy of Steve Jobs - Allow better a one quality of life : food processor (to daily life as a vacuum cleaner for example), improvement of the equipments of medicine improved health, broadcasting of the information: invention of the radio, of tv so allow to know what surrounds us.
  • - Negative : social relationships weakened because people often speak through phone or computer so their life become virtual and then social contacts neglected (sites of meeting, sms, webcam...).
  • Now, let's focus on the science evolution which leads me to my second part of the idea of progress.
  • - Scientific discoveries: physics, in astrology, in medicine, in genetics...
  • - consequences : new medicine, vaccines (against gripp H1N1 recently), vast of knowledge on the celestial bodies which surrounds the Earth (The Moon : first step the 20 July 1969 ; Mars: sending of several robots at present Curiosity), research of new medical tehnics (against the ageing for example with a procesus of regeneration of the old organs – The Guardian ; or transplants posibility) and genetics (with the posibility transfers of genes to improve the cultures / cloning to maintain endangered species or be able to create model of study on particular diseases).
  • - Negatives : ethical problems (cloning because more individuality) + possible scientific error mortals or at least very grave (human stroke because of anti-ageing products but no the mouse guinea pig) Now, we are going to concentrate on the social relationships'evolution which leads me to my third part of the idea of progress.
  • - Racism : A lot formerly to the blacks (slaveries, persecution in certain countries) – Black like me by John Howard Griffin, and member of a religious order, ethnic groups but improvement with a good instruction, educations (less educational at the end of 19 ème century than today ).
  • Blacks in the power (Barack Obama), recognized as model of justice between the people (Nelson Mandela), world celebrities (Yannick Noah at Roland Garros, singer)...
  • - subservience of the women : The Taming of the Shrew by Shakerspeare : how must be a wife with hen husband.
  • Modern woman : different customs because men and women become equal (family) Cooking, household, works, children...
  • + laws for a bigger independence of the women (vote: France in 1942, abortion, work), suffragettes (created in 1903) in England, who fighting for their voting rights.
  • - today yet : inspite of laws + education, still of the racism in most of the countries (Toubirat, minister of justice and descendant of slave, offended by female monkey) / disparity salary man-woman (for the same work, the men gain 30 % more than the women) + more unemployment affects the women + often less prestigious jobs for women than for men.
  • To conclude, we can see that the progress affeting our life everyday in a lot of fields to allow us to live easily, learn or survive.
  • To my mind, it would be impossible for the civilized man to live without his new technologies because they are an integral part of his life.
  • However, it stays some more of progress to be made concerning social inequalities.

PLEASE, HELP TO CORRECT EACH SENTENCE! - English

  • Otsikko
  • Lause 1
    • I would like to illustrate the notion of progress by talking about the evolution of the technology, the science and social relationships.
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 1ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 1
  • Lause 2
    • Progress is made move forward, made go towards an upper degree or a regular evolution of the humanity, the civilization towards an ideal aim.What types of progress affect our life?
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 2ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 2
  • Lause 3
    • First, I will speak about the new technology, then secondly, I'll deal with the science progresses and to finish, I'll talk about the social relationships'evolution.
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 3ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 3
  • Lause 4
  • Lause 5
    • - many improvements : quality (image, sound, power...), esthetics, yield ... and incite people to consume more to indulge itself - ex : it's the case for apple technology (created by Steve Jobs the 1st April 1976) which seduces the population by his novelty and his quality.
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 5ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 5
  • Lause 6
    • All products (computeur : macintosh ; touchpad: Ipad ; phone: Iphone ; Mp4 : Ipod but also applications).
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 6ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 6
  • Lause 7
    • Text from an unofficial bigraphy of Steve Jobs - Allow better a one quality of life : food processor (to daily life as a vacuum cleaner for example), improvement of the equipments of medicine improved health, broadcasting of the information: invention of the radio, of tv so allow to know what surrounds us.
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 7ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 7
  • Lause 8
    • - Negative : social relationships weakened because people often speak through phone or computer so their life become virtual and then social contacts neglected (sites of meeting, sms, webcam...).
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 8ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 8
  • Lause 9
  • Lause 10
  • Lause 11
    • - consequences : new medicine, vaccines (against gripp H1N1 recently), vast of knowledge on the celestial bodies which surrounds the Earth (The Moon : first step the 20 July 1969 ; Mars: sending of several robots at present Curiosity), research of new medical tehnics (against the ageing for example with a procesus of regeneration of the old organs – The Guardian ; or transplants posibility) and genetics (with the posibility transfers of genes to improve the cultures / cloning to maintain endangered species or be able to create model of study on particular diseases).
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 11ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 11
  • Lause 12
    • - Negatives : ethical problems (cloning because more individuality) + possible scientific error mortals or at least very grave (human stroke because of anti-ageing products but no the mouse guinea pig) Now, we are going to concentrate on the social relationships'evolution which leads me to my third part of the idea of progress.
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 12ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 12
  • Lause 13
    • - Racism : A lot formerly to the blacks (slaveries, persecution in certain countries) – Black like me by John Howard Griffin, and member of a religious order, ethnic groups but improvement with a good instruction, educations (less educational at the end of 19 ème century than today ).
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 13ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 13
  • Lause 14
    • Blacks in the power (Barack Obama), recognized as model of justice between the people (Nelson Mandela), world celebrities (Yannick Noah at Roland Garros, singer)...
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 14ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 14
  • Lause 15
  • Lause 16
    • Modern woman : different customs because men and women become equal (family) Cooking, household, works, children...
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 16ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 16
  • Lause 17
    • + laws for a bigger independence of the women (vote: France in 1942, abortion, work), suffragettes (created in 1903) in England, who fighting for their voting rights.
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 17ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 17
  • Lause 18
    • - today yet : inspite of laws + education, still of the racism in most of the countries (Toubirat, minister of justice and descendant of slave, offended by female monkey) / disparity salary man-woman (for the same work, the men gain 30 % more than the women) + more unemployment affects the women + often less prestigious jobs for women than for men.
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 18ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 18
  • Lause 19
    • To conclude, we can see that the progress affeting our life everyday in a lot of fields to allow us to live easily, learn or survive.
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 19ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 19
  • Lause 20
    • To my mind, it would be impossible for the civilized man to live without his new technologies because they are an integral part of his life.
      Äänestä nyt!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 20ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Lause 20
  • Lause 21