Language/Turkish/Culture/Marriage-in-Turkey

Turkish Marriage

In Turkey there are several types of Marriage: Depending on the region, the customs of the family, the community, the family origin (Kurdish - Laz - Zaza - Turkish Nomad etc…) marriage in Turkey will take place differently.

Example: "the Girl's wish Ceremony". The groom goes to the girl's house with the elders of the family, the elders of the groom go to the girl's family, or the groom is served salty coffee. The groom drinks the salty coffee and say "I will not leave you no matter what".

Consider exploring these related pages after completing this lesson: Symbols of Bursa, Turkish Culture → Turkish Culture → Traditions and Customs, Mesajlaşmalarda Kullanılar Kısaltmalar & History.

The Arranged Wedding in Turkey

Practiced in rural areas, the boy's parents choose a girl for their Rocheton. The criteria generally requested are: the beauty of the girl (knowing that everything is relative), her character (good interior woman or not) her gentleness (knowing how to keep her place) .

Word of mouth works very well when it comes to finding a girl, the gossip is rife, the suggestions are on the rise. The boy's family ask for coffee with the girl's, which of course means they are interested in who might be the bride.

Beforehand, the family of the young man will have made a research on the social and cultural situation of their possible future beautiful daughter, research also made by the family of the young girl. After which, the heads of the families as a common agreement, will decide or not, to drink this coffee.

Once decided, coffee will be taken with the bride-to-be early in the morning, which will be the first acceptance test: seeing that the family is clean, tidy, and early in the morning. The meeting will certainly not take place behind closed doors, the man's entire family is invited.

The second test has started: it is the future beautiful girl who will prepare and serve the coffee to the whole assembly here present in the living room, where the mother of the young girl will remain well seated to prove that it is indeed the future groom. who has all alone, prepared everything.

The third test will be based on: the presentation of the beautiful, during the service of this sacred coffee, she will bend down slightly to brilliantly serve the very first coffee to the one who will be her future father-in-law, without looking his interlocutor in the eyes, the girl must show her face so that her beauty is discovered. She will have to do the service on her own without making a mistake to the whole family, knowing exactly in advance who prefers what for their coffee (plain - sweet - moderately sweet).

Every now and then the woman will play a prank on the one she will have to marry for life. By putting salt or chilli in his cup, if he drinks it without making faces, it is good to marry (proving that he will put up with his mood swings).

While having coffee, the boy's father said a typical sentence for the occasion:

WE HAVE COME TO YOUR HOME FOR A GOOD CAUSE AND BY GOD'S PERMISSION WE ARE HERE TO ASK FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.

The Meeting Between Parent On Which Everything Depends:

The response will not be instantaneous, as it may be that the opposing family believes the girl's parents want to get rid of her and that they were just waiting for it. Beforehand, the young girl will have been asked if she is consenting and if the boy pleases her.

• If the answer is no, the parents will answer that she is too young to get married. Being polite avoids any complications.
• If the answer is yes, they will say give us two or three days to think it over. The families will meet again a second time, but this time between women (respective mothers / sisters / cousins / aunts etc.). The mother of the future groom asks the mother of the future bride for her answer, which will be: If God wrote it, we have nothing more to say which means in summary, yes.

A third meeting will be scheduled this time between the men, the girl's family will have prepared a list of everything they ask of the groom. It can be unworked gold bracelets, as it is often only a matter of grams (22-24 carras). The name of these special bracelets for weddings: BURMA BILEZIK, will be used by the bride and groom in the event of a hard blow that they can resell without losing value, gold necklaces by the meter (BURMA KOLYE), furniture, fabrics, household necessities, in richer families this can be a car, a tractor, land, a house….

The sums can be crazy, disproportionate. The reputation and honor of the families is at stake. If the boy's family finds this too much, one last meeting will be held to negotiate. The last meeting will take place between the men, in the village café where all the inhabitants are invited.

Sweets and Turkish delight will be distributed by the youngest to the oldest, for a moment of sweet conviviality. The young people not losing the north and wishing a good start to the marriage to the promised ones, they will pass with trays between the tables to be given tickets.

The protocol once completed, some rural families will decide to betroth the two lovebirds as a trial to their agreement while others will not go through four ways and will immediately marry the couple to avoid all gossip and gossip knowing that in this environment the virginity before marriage is required.

The engagement to make it go, Gifts Galore. The women on the side of the future groom devote a day to the chosen young lady, to cover her with gifts. All together go shopping to spoil her.

A bath set (soap / peştamal / kese) is sent to the young woman, which is an invitation to participate in a HAMMAM. The women being by habit and by customs very covered, the body of the bride will be discovered in its entirety by the women of her future beautiful family who will not fail to make a report to the groom. It’s a festive, happy time; they eat, sing, dance.

The engagement takes place at the bride's house, the rings are exchanged there.

For conservative families, the date of the wedding will be fixed at the earliest 15 days before the date of the wedding, the families again organize meals and meetings.

The Dote

Two or three days before the union, the young girl's chest is taken out, which contains her dowry. Safe that was bought by his mother from birth and filled in as the life of her child, fabrics, sheets etc. We wash, iron, dust all that is in the trunk. It will be sent to the newlyweds' new house before their arrival (A list will have been drawn up and kept by the sending family of the contents of this). Two days before the wedding date, the bride's best friends gather at her house for fun. The girls spend the whole evening there and sleep at her place.

D - 1 the night of henna between women only

The deep meaning of henna is the meaning of the girl's sacrifice for her husband, her children and her beautiful family. During the night of henna, declaring the final break with her own family, women dance around the bride, sad music is listened to so that she cries and expresses her sadness at leaving her family home (the flashback being unthinkable).

The henna will be applied in a ball in the palms of both hands, covered with something red: a ribbon, a rose. symbolizing virginity. In modern families, henna evening is done between women and men.

The Wedding Day

The men after the morning prayers go to the HAMMAM and have a big breakfast with best friends. A barber comes to the house to shave everyone (the groom is very clean shaved, this time is important so the barber will be given a very good tip).

Then the groom will have to dress with the things that the family of the bride will have sent in a white fabric called Damat Bohçası (underwear - shirt - suit - perfume etc.).

On the side of the young lady, the women of her family prepare her with the clothes sent by the family of her future husband, always in a white Gelin Bohçası fabric (underwear / dress / perfume etc.).

The groom's parents come with a convoy of cars to collect her. When they arrived, they offered them a cold sweet drink: ŞERBET (a sort of honey, rose or fruit syrup that can be flavored with cloves, cinnamon or lemon).

In the meantime, a deputy mayor will have come to the family of the bride to officially unite the lovers.

First arrival in front of her new home, the bride breaks a glass in front of the door. The little pieces scattered around symbolize abundance, wealth, money. They place a mirror in front of her before entering to scare away evil spirits and to keep her life calm, happy, happy.

She enters the house, walks to the bedroom and waits patiently for her husband, his face covered with a veil.

The groom arrives in front of the house where a guard of honor is formed by friends and family members, who will each give him a blow on the back as he passes by to give him confidence. He is afraid of his first sexual intercourse with his wife.

When the husband arrives in the bedroom, a game between them is called for. The man asks to see his sweetheart's face, which she refuses, he then offers her a necklace named YÜZ GORÜMLÜĞÜ to which she succumbs and agrees to reveal herself.

In a tiny part of TURKEY further east, tradition has it that the blood-stained sheet proving the virginity of the young lady is recovered by one of her sisters-in-law on her side who will show it as supporting evidence, that to the immediate family.

• In less conservative but traditional families all the same; the marriage is mixed, the gifts are offered directly to the spouses, the guests queue to give the bracelets to the bride and hang tickets on the bride and groom.

The bride wears a red ribbon around her waist that displays her virginity.

Marriage of the daughter of a tribal chief:

The Traditional Wedding in Turkey

Less formal, we take up more or less the same traditions as for the arranged marriage except that the people already know each other, that those themselves who have declared the desire to unite with their family and the married night often takes place in a hotel room, without veil or stained sheet!

The bride and groom will have to go first through the official in front of the deputy mayor, in a room specially designed for the occasion ”NIKAH DAIRELERI” which are kinds of branches of the mayor town hall, in which only the weddings (there are some in every part of the country). The bride and groom each have a witness. They sign a register and are given a family record book by the deputy mayor.

The request is made beforehand to the town hall to agree on a date of union, especially in big cities where weddings are not rare and are often celebrated on a chain.

In the cities, the future husband puts on a spectacle with the drums under the window of his sweetheart's family, to declare the nuptials open and accompany each other to the place of the wedding where their union will be celebrated. In a festive atmosphere, guests most of the time are accompanying and dance with the future husband under the balcony of the young lady.

The wedding takes place in a party hall or in the open air (in these specific cases, the neighborhood will be closed for the party). Men and women mixed together, to the rhythm of TURKISH folklore, music and songs together celebrate the union of this new couple.

During the festivities of the male sex only, project towards the musicians, dollars or euros in small denominations, sliding them at full speed from their hands, they will be picked up later by the musical troupe which represents itself.

It is customary for men to fire pistols in the air, Kalashnikov-style. It sometimes causes disasters, accidents.

The Modern Wedding in Turkey

Without a protocol, it unites in all points that of EUROPE; with all the fantasies and extravagances possible according to the means of each one.

The Besik Kertmesi Wedding in Turkey

Is a marriage decided in the cradle: two families who have always known each other and particularly appreciate each other, can decide that their respective children marry together when they are older. Only with modernism, young people in adulthood can not accept this agreement, in these cases a war is opened between the two families.

The Berdel Wedding in Turkey

Especially applied in the Kurdish community, in poor families very often will make an exchange of good procedures if I may say so, to avoid a heavy dowry.

A girl wants to marry a boy, but unfortunately the boy's family does not have money for the dowry, so she will offer to also marry their daughter, the sister of the future groom for one of the brothers of their future beautiful girl. This will mean that neither of the two families will pay the dowry thanks to this arrangement.

"Two children from one family marry two children from the other family, erase the dowry settlement and reset them to zero."

Marriage with his brother's Widow in Turkey

This style of wedding is held in eastern TURKEY. Following a family misfortune, not wanting the household goods to go elsewhere and the children to remain within the same family cocoon. The family will decide at this time to marry one of the deceased's brothers to the widow; which can sometimes cause a significant difference in age. If the designated man is really younger, he will have the right later, with the agreement of his wife to choose another wife and marry her religiously; if on the other hand it is the man who loses his wife, one of the sisters of this one will be chosen to marry her brother-in-law to continue raising the children.

The Tradition of Kuma in Turkey

Always in the east of the country ”totally banned in the country but still applied, If the woman is sterile, old or still ill, the man has the right to take a second wife with the permission of the first: marriage cannot could suddenly be religious.

To end on a light note:

Marriage on TV in Turkey

Fashionable in TURKEY these days, people looking for the love of a woman or even a man who come to show off by unpacking their privacy, even the most intimate.

People sitting in a gallery with their names displayed, revealing themselves and explaining in great detail what kind of person they would like to meet.

On the set, orchestra, presenter set the mood and manage the situation according to the emotions.

Behind their TV screen someone is interested; he calls the production to be able to meet on the set the person who pleased him. A screen separates them, additional questions are asked of each. The person will decide after this stealthy meeting whether or not to see the person who made the trip to meet him or her.

In short, if people like each other, a wedding will be organized on the TV set or off set as they wish.

This show is very serious, and works wonderfully!

Religious marriage in Turkey

It happens before or after the official wedding, it doesn't matter. For the practitioners the thing is that without this celebrated marriage the couple will not be able to have sexual relations, their union before God is essential.

The couple meets behind closed doors in the house of the groom's family or that of the bride, or even in a room apart from the Mosque. With two witnesses who will be two men or a man and a woman of good hearing and having the use of speech.

The imam (Muslim religious leader) comes to the house to marry the couple.

This style of wedding is only done verbally, nothing will be written or signed. This Marriage is not recognized by the state therefore does not give any official rights to either the woman or the man.

Union is to unite under the blessing of God. Witnesses listen to what the husband promises to give his wife as gold coins in the event of a break-up.

If the woman is not a Muslim, the union can be done all the same but with conditions: she must be a Christian or a Jew, if the person is an atheist, a Buddhist ... the marriage cannot take place. She is under no obligation to convert to Islam.

On the other hand, the non-Muslim man is obliged to convert to Islam, and will lose part of him, by being circumcised before he can religiously unite with his wife.

Other styles of wedding still exist in Turkey, it is said that there are 33 ways to get married!

Source

• https://erasmusu.com/fr/erasmus-istamboul/experiences-erasmus/coutumes-et-traditions-du-mariage-en-turquie-1080650
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gHL3zURrsk
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OT1zsb0yHN4
• https://almalomat.com/25345/%d8%b9%d8%a7%d8%af%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d9%88%d8%aa%d9%82%d8%a7%d9%84%d9%8a%d8%af-%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%b2%d9%88%d8%a7%d8%ac-%d9%81%d9%8a-%d8%aa%d8%b1%d9%83%d9%8a%d8%a7/
• https://www.toutelaturquie.com/le-mariage-en-turquie/

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