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hoang_khan (으)로 부터 도착한메세지 - English

 
  • writting task 2

  • Many processed foods and ready-made meals contain preservatives and chemicals.
    • What are the advantages yo this?
  • Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
    • Note: Leftovers can contaminate the water and soil => decrease the productivity of crops creature which accidentally eats them, may suffer the same as human and even dead=> also lead to pollute environment.
    • Work: Nowadays, there is a fact that many chemicals and preservatives are being used in many processes making foods and man-made meals.
    • This fact has two advantages in product preservation and in attracting people.
    • However, this is also the factor causing bad effects for both human and animal health and pollutes the environment.
    • I strongly agree that the advantages can never overweight the disadvantages.
    • Basically, using preservatives and chemicals in foods and man-made meals is a good way in preserving the foods.
    • By it’s effect decreasing the speed of decomposing chemical reaction, preservatives are being mixed in the making food processes.
    • For instant, a fried chicken wing can still be able to use for longer than 5 days if it’s process has chemicals.
    • The next benefit is the preservative can improve the meal appearance look more tasty.
    • On the other hand, too based on chemicals and preservatives also can result three disadvantages.
    • The first disadvantage is the bad effects for health.
    • People, who usually interacts with the food consist of chemicals, in a short term, they can get sick or stomachache.
  • But how about in a long term?
    • They may suffer from cancer and may dead by the poisoned food.
    • One other bad consequence is increasing the level of polluted environment.
    • The leftovers contaminate rivers and soil, leading to the drop of crop’s productivity.
    • Poisoned leftovers also may accidentally be eaten by animals.
  • These poor creatures suffer from pain and may die.
    • In conclusion, although using chemicals and preservatives in food and man-made processes increases the expiry day of the production and the appearance of the production, it also take responsibility for both people and animals’ health issues and polluted environment.
    • This is a reference for the fact that the disadvantages overweight the advantages.

각 문장을 수정해주세요! - English

  • 문장 1
  • 문장 2
  • 문장 3
  • 문장 4
    • Note: Leftovers can contaminate the water and soil => decrease the productivity of crops creature which accidentally eats them, may suffer the same as human and even dead=> also lead to pollute environment.
    • Note:¶
      LeftoversFood production waste can contaminate the water and soil => decrease the productivity of crops ¶
      creature which accidentally eats them, may suffer the same as human and even dead=> also lead t
      . Like humans, livestock that accidentally consume the waste may suffer and even die, leading to decreased productivity. Food production waste can also pollute the environment.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 4새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 4
  • 문장 5
    • Work: Nowadays, there is a fact that many chemicals and preservatives are being used in many processes making foods and man-made meals.
    • Work:¶
      Nowadays,
      there is a fact that many chemicals and preservatives are being used in many processes making foods and man-madepre-packaged meals.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 5새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 5
  • 문장 6
    • This fact has two advantages in product preservation and in attracting people.
    • This fact has twohe advantages inof product preservation and in attracting people.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 6새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 6
  • 문장 7
    • However, this is also the factor causing bad effects for both human and animal health and pollutes the environment.
    • However, this is also the factor causing badit also has negative effects foron both human and animal health and pollutes the environment.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 7새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 7
  • 문장 8
    • I strongly agree that the advantages can never overweight the disadvantages.
    • I strongly agrebelieve that the advantages can never overweight the disadvantages.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 8새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 8
  • 문장 9
    • Basically, using preservatives and chemicals in foods and man-made meals is a good way in preserving the foods.
    • Basically, using preservatives and chemicals in foods and man-made meals is a good way into preservinge the foods.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 9새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 9
  • 문장 10
    • By it’s effect decreasing the speed of decomposing chemical reaction, preservatives are being mixed in the making food processes.
    • By it’s effectPreservatives are being used in the food making process in order to decreasinge the speed of decomposing chemical reaction, preservatives are being mixed in the making food processes.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 10새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 10
  • 문장 11
    • For instant, a fried chicken wing can still be able to use for longer than 5 days if it’s process has chemicals.
    • For instantce, a fried chicken wing can still be able to use for longer than 5 days if it’s process haslast longer than 5 days through treatment with chemicals.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 11새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 11
  • 문장 12
    • The next benefit is the preservative can improve the meal appearance look more tasty.
    • The next benefit is the preservative can improvmake the meal appearance look more tasty.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 12새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 12
  • 문장 13
    • On the other hand, too based on chemicals and preservatives also can result three disadvantages.
    • On the other hand, too basedrelying too much on chemicals and preservatives also can result in three disadvantages.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 13새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 13
  • 문장 14
  • 문장 15
    • People, who usually interacts with the food consist of chemicals, in a short term, they can get sick or stomachache.
    • PIn the short term, people, who usually interacts with the food consist of chemicals, in a short term, theyregularly consume chemically treated foods can get sick or develop a stomachache.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 15새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 15
  • 문장 16
  • 문장 17
  • 문장 18
    • One other bad consequence is increasing the level of polluted environment.
    • One other badnegative consequence is increasing the level of polluted environmental pollution.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 18새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 18
  • 문장 19
    • The leftovers contaminate rivers and soil, leading to the drop of crop’s productivity.
    • The leftovers contaminate rivers and soilFood processing waste contaminates the soil and rivers, leading to thea drop ofin crop’s productivity.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 19새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 19
  • 문장 20
    • Poisoned leftovers also may accidentally be eaten by animals.
    • Poisoned leftovers also mayFood production waste may also accidentally be eaten by animals.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 20새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 20
  • 문장 21
  • 문장 22
    • In conclusion, although using chemicals and preservatives in food and man-made processes increases the expiry day of the production and the appearance of the production, it also take responsibility for both people and animals’ health issues and polluted environment.
    • In conclusion, although using chemicals and preservatives in food and man-madeproduction processes increases the expiry dayte of the productionfood and the appearance of the productionfood, it also take responsibilityleads to health issues for both people and animals’ health issue, as well as and polluted environment.
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 22새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 22
  • 문장 23
    • This is a reference for the fact that the disadvantages overweight the advantages.
    • This is a reference for the fact thatwhy the disadvantages overweight the advantages. ¶
      투표하세요!
    • 새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 23새로운 교정 추가! - 문장 23