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Olzhas961506 (으)로 부터 도착한메세지 - English

    • IELTS Writing practice

    • Information technology is changing a lot of aspects of our lives and now dominates in our house , entertainment and job activities.Information technology was a few decades ago can be used for computers and internet.
    • But now it is broad term which can imply to our phones and app on that and even in some services we use today.
    • A few decades we cant order a pizza by our phone but now we can fast and convenient.Now we can purchase a share of company using our bank account and app , in the past it probably require you to go the stock market and meet up with broker.And also how quickly you are able to buy any ticket in the past it will you need to wait a long queue. and how our car even is changing because of IT.
    • Some car have system that called parktronik which assist when you park.
    • There is also internal computer that have GPS on that which helps do not get lost.You are able to download even app on that.
    • Also you can subscribe on Netflix and watch your movies and soap operas literally everywhere.And now It is easy to connect with different people all over the world by utilizing social media.Despite of fascinating qualities that I mentioned IT techonology have their disadvantages.
    • Number one trash contents or trash information it is literally all over internet that makes feel disturbing.
    • For Example did you see content for kids in YOUTUBE they dont have any educational purposes.Or some of content that makes by science popular Youtuber that against science that convince people to believe in fictional stuff.
    • And number second did you remember I said it is easy to connect with people guess what not all the people are good to communicate just like in real world if you are lucky you will just meet some troller you probably forget or you will meet a people you probably regret that you get acquitance with them.And number three IT technology can be addictive phone and gaming can be serious burden to any people to succeed at any field they wanted.
    • To conclude, Inspite of These serious issues I do believe IT is technology can elevate our society to new level greatness.
    • THANK You for people who will correct and say your opinion how many score I will get with this essay

각 문장을 수정해주세요! - English

  • 제목
  • 문장 1
    • Information technology is changing a lot of aspects of our lives and now dominates in our house , entertainment and job activities.Information technology was a few decades ago can be used for computers and internet.
      투표하세요!
    • Information technology is changing a lot of aspects of our lives and now dominates in our house , entertainment, and job activities. Information technology, as it was a few decades ago, can be used for computers and the internet.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 1ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 1
  • 문장 2
    • But now it is broad term which can imply to our phones and app on that and even in some services we use today.
      투표하세요!
    • But now it is a broad term whichthat can imply to our phones and apps on that and even inem, as well as some services we use today.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 2ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 2
  • 문장 3
    • A few decades we cant order a pizza by our phone but now we can fast and convenient.Now we can purchase a share of company using our bank account and app , in the past it probably require you to go the stock market and meet up with broker.And also how quickly you are able to buy any ticket in the past it will you need to wait a long queue. and how our car even is changing because of IT.
      투표하세요!
    • A few decades we canago, we couldn't order a pizza byon our phones, but now we can, fast and convenient.ly. Now we can purchase a share of a company using our bank account and app ,; in the past, it probably required you to go to the stock market and meet up with a broker. And also how quickly you are able to buy any ticket in the past it will you need to wait a long queue. and how our car is even is changing because of ITit.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 3ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 3
  • 문장 4
  • 문장 5
    • There is also internal computer that have GPS on that which helps do not get lost.You are able to download even app on that.
      투표하세요!
    • There is also an internal computer that haves GPS on that, which helps doyou not get lost. You are able to download evean app onfor that.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5
  • 문장 6
    • Also you can subscribe on Netflix and watch your movies and soap operas literally everywhere.And now It is easy to connect with different people all over the world by utilizing social media.Despite of fascinating qualities that I mentioned IT techonology have their disadvantages.
      투표하세요!
    • Also, you can subscribe ton Netflix and watch your movies and soap operas literally everywhere. And now Iit is easy to connect with different people all over the world by utilizing social media. Despite ofthe fascinating qualities that I mentioned, IT techonology have theirs its disadvantages.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 6ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 6
  • 문장 7
    • Number one trash contents or trash information it is literally all over internet that makes feel disturbing.
      투표하세요!
    • Number one, trash contents or trash information it isare literally all over the internet that, which makes it feel disturbing.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 7ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 7
  • 문장 8
    • For Example did you see content for kids in YOUTUBE they dont have any educational purposes.Or some of content that makes by science popular Youtuber that against science that convince people to believe in fictional stuff.
      투표하세요!
    • For Eexample, did you see content for kids ion YOUTUBEouTube theyat donesn't have any educational purposes.? Or some of the content that makes by science popular on YoutTuber that is against science thatand convinces people to believe in fictional stuff.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 8ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 8
  • 문장 9
    • And number second did you remember I said it is easy to connect with people guess what not all the people are good to communicate just like in real world if you are lucky you will just meet some troller you probably forget or you will meet a people you probably regret that you get acquitance with them.And number three IT technology can be addictive phone and gaming can be serious burden to any people to succeed at any field they wanted.
      투표하세요!
    • And number secondtwo, did you remember? I said it iwas easy to connect with people g. Guess what n? Not all the people are good to communicate jwith. Just like in the real world, if you are lucky, you will just meet some trollers you will probably forget , or you will meet a people you will probably regret that you get acquitance with them.getting acquainted with. And number three: IT technology can be addictive phone, and gaming can be a serious burden to any peopleone who wants to succeed atin any field they wanted.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 9ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 9
  • 문장 10
    • To conclude, Inspite of These serious issues I do believe IT is technology can elevate our society to new level greatness.
      투표하세요!
    • To conclude, Inin spite of Tthese serious issues, I do believe IT is technology can elevate our society to new levels of greatness.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 10ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 10
  • 문장 11
    • THANK You for people who will correct and say your opinion how many score I will get with this essay
      투표하세요!
    • THANK You for peoplhank you to those who will correct me and say yougive their opinion on how many scorepoints I will get with this essay.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 11ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 11