添削

添削のお手伝いをしましょう！修正済み

Juliejingからのテキスト - English

    • A writing assignment in IELTS

  • As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities.
  • To what extent do you agree or disagree.
    • The rapid development of social economy have paved way for creating more and more opulent corporations.
    • Some people argue that businesses should take related responsibilities apart from making money.
  • I fully agree with this opinion.
    • First, a harmonious society is constituted with various components, each of which should shoulder some responsibilities and businesses are not an exception.
    • In addition, a sanguine environment resulted from taking responsibilities can in turn help create a positive and upbeat atmosphere contributing to better development of businesses.
    • For instance, the success of Alibaba mainly owes to appropriate economic policy at that time which encouraged small businesses to develop virtual economy leading to the formation of a new top corporation which repaid what it got from the society through establishing business schools to cultivate youngsters with innovative ideas and knowledge.
    • Second, it cannot be denied that making profits is the top priority for a company, but related obligations should not be neglected, which not only refrain entrepreneurs from committing commercial crimes like producing harmful goods but also offer an opportunity to present a good image to the public --- the best promotion tactic.
    • Third, the combination of responsibilities and profits boosts an all-round and long-term development of a certain company.
  • To conclude, on top of making money, businesses should also shoulder obligations to achieve an optimal result both for themselves and the whole society as well.

添削の手助けをお願いします！ - English