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Fillop123 (으)로 부터 도착한메세지 - English

    • We live in a world of technology these days.

    • We live in a world of technology these days.
    • While the internet brings with it clear advantages, th problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages.
  • To what extent do you agree?
  • Owing the discussion about advantages and disadvantages of technology; one disadvantage is about privacy and security.
    • I completely agree that security and privacy are essential and we need to preserve it, but none can stop progress and technology and i believe that there are more advantages than disadvantages for us.
  • Firstly, our informations are shared for improving and helping our life.
    • For instance, if we shared our location, Google Maps could show us which shops are around us.
    • Shops are not an essential thing of our life, but It can be vital if we are hurt and we are looking for an hospital in a foreign city.
    • Google, Facebook, Microsoft and so on, are trying to improve our life; sharing some useless information i think its necessary for achieve that goal.
    • On the other hand, there are some kinds of informations really private, which must not be shared.
    • Furthermore, all these datas are online and big societies as Google, Facebook and so on, try to hide and protect them, but that is not enough for stopping all the hackers who steal these protect informations for selling in a close future on the dark net, helping stalker and causing crimes and deaths.
    • For instance, some times ago, a very famous IT society lost a big quantity of datas of their premium users.
  • After few days, photos of naked actresses and actors were shared online.
    • These photos were on the phones of the victims, keeping by them on the “secure” cloud of the company.
    • In conclusion, technology during the last few years have improved our life, and i think is still improving it; although, at the same time, it is causing a lot of justice issues.
    • We are all concerned about it, but i think that being more careful can solve most of those problems.
  • We can not go against the progress, but we can use technology more consciously.

각 문장을 수정해주세요! - English

  • 제목
  • 문장 1
  • 문장 2
    • While the internet brings with it clear advantages, th problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • While the internet brings along with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages.
      67% GOOD (3 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 2ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 2
  • 문장 3
  • 문장 4
    • Owing the discussion about advantages and disadvantages of technology; one disadvantage is about privacy and security.
      투표하세요!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 4ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 4
  • 문장 5
    • I completely agree that security and privacy are essential and we need to preserve it, but none can stop progress and technology and i believe that there are more advantages than disadvantages for us.
      투표하세요!
    • I completely agree that security and privacy are essential and we need to preserve it, but none can stop progress and technology and iI believe that there are more advantages than disadvantages for us.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5
  • 문장 6
  • 문장 7
  • 문장 8
    • Shops are not an essential thing of our life, but It can be vital if we are hurt and we are looking for an hospital in a foreign city.
      투표하세요!
    • Shops are not an essential thingpart of our life, but ItGoogle maps can be vitahelpful if we are hurt and we are looking for an hospital in a foreign city.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 8ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 8
  • 문장 9
    • Google, Facebook, Microsoft and so on, are trying to improve our life; sharing some useless information i think its necessary for achieve that goal.
      투표하세요!
    • Google, Facebook, Microsoft and so on, are trying to improve our life; I think that sharing some uselessful information i think its necessary forto achieve that goal.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 9ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 9
  • 문장 10
  • 문장 11
    • Furthermore, all these datas are online and big societies as Google, Facebook and so on, try to hide and protect them, but that is not enough for stopping all the hackers who steal these protect informations for selling in a close future on the dark net, helping stalker and causing crimes and deaths.
      투표하세요!
    • Furthermore, all these data's are online and big societiescompanies such as Google, Facebook and so on, try to hide and protect them, b. But that is not enough forto stopping all the hackers who steal these protectvital informations for selling in a close future on the dark net, to helping stalkers and causinge crimes and deaths.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 11ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 11
  • 문장 12
    • For instance, some times ago, a very famous IT society lost a big quantity of datas of their premium users.
      투표하세요!
    • For instance, some times ago, a very famous IT societcompany lost a biglarge quantityies of data's of their premium users.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 12ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 12
  • 문장 13
  • 문장 14
  • 문장 15
    • In conclusion, technology during the last few years have improved our life, and i think is still improving it; although, at the same time, it is causing a lot of justice issues.
      투표하세요!
    • In conclusion, technology during the last few years have improved our life, and iI think it is still improving it; a. Although, at the same time, it is causing a lot of injustice issues.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 15ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 15
  • 문장 16
  • 문장 17