Text from francescasalz -
English
Does it sound natural?
- Last night I dreamt about Miriam.
- She was wearing a long white vest that from the distance seemed a nightgown.
- She was advancing along the beach, the frightening huge waves were quietly crashing.
- That should have been Biarritz beach, but it was completely deserted.
- I was sitting on a deck chair, the first one of an endless line of empty chairs.
- Maybe it was another beach, because I cannot remember those chairs in Biarritz.
- It was just an idea of a beach.
- With a sign I invited her to sit, but she kept on walking looking straight ahead like I was not there.
- When she passed close to me a gust of cold air hit me, like a halo she was carrying.
- And then, with the amazement without surprise of the dreams, I understood she was dead.
- Sometimes a solution seems plausible only this way: dreaming.
- Sometimes a solution seems plausible only this way: dreaming.
- Maybe it is because the intellect is coward, it is not able to fill the space between the things.
- It cannot stabilise the completeness which is a form of simplicity.
- It prefers a complication full of gaps, therefore, the will entrusts the solution on dreams.
- But then tomorrow, or any other day, I will dream that Miriam is alive.
- She will walk through the seashore, she will hear me calling her and she will come and sit on the deck chair next to mine.
- There in Biarritz or in another beach.
- She will tidy her hair as she used to do with a slow and languid gesture full of meaning.
- And looking at the sea she will point out a sailboat or a cloud, and she will laugh.
- We will laugh together because we made it.
- We were both there at our date.
- The most difficult thing that I came across in this text, are the long sentences used in the Italian version and figure out how I could have divided the text in shorter sentences and, at the same time, to make it look good in English.
- In other words how cut the text in a way that the description of all the components that he was mentioning were part of the same scene.
- As a non-native speaker it is also hard for me to know if a translation reads good in English, but I am trying to improve it with the corrections that are made in my pieces of work and in the seminars.
- I did not change the content of the text as much as I did with the form.
- francescasalz
March 2015
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PLEASE, HELP TO CORRECT EACH SENTENCE! -
English