添削

添削のお手伝いをしましょう！修正済み

fittiからのテキスト - English

  • Composition

    • People often claim that women should do specific jobs and men others different.
    • Personally, women should be considered and treated in the same way as men.
  • Therefore everything should be equal, even the military service.
  • Firstly, the state is forced to let every citizen realize his aspirations.
    • So if a woman's dream is to become a militar, she should be free to do it.
    • Moreove, it is well known that women have more strenght and resistence to take decisions, as the Queen of the United Kingdom and the german Prime Minister are.
    • They perform public offices commonly considered prerogative of men.
  • It is popularly believed that women's nature is less strong than that of men.
    • It could be true, because women do not do jobs that require more physical exercise and intensity, such as electrician or mason.
  • What is more, many people believe that women should be dedicated to the family and they should spend their life growing up the children.
    • This is the reason why they could not do such demanding jobs, like the militar carreer.
    • All in all, a society can be considered developed if it let ita citizens be free to do everything and have the same rights for men and women.

添削の手助けをお願いします！ - English