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Brocky (으)로 부터 도착한메세지 - English

  • Investing in the agriculture field

  • A university plans to develop a new research center in your country.
    • Some people want a center for business research.
  • Other people want a center for research in agriculture (farming).
  • Which of these two kinds of research centers do you recommend for your country?
    • Use specific reasons in your recommendation With the modern society and the increase on the demand for more products and materials each year, many centers supported by the universities to be build in order to increase in the profits of the country.
    • And that's what my university is planing to do.
    • However, there are some people who choose a business center rather than an agriculture, others disagree and prefer building a farming center instead.
    • In my opinion, holding the opinion of building the agriculture center is better for some reasons.
    • First, investing in the agriculture field would increase in the productivity of the local products, which will maintain the economy in the country.
    • Because, when people buy the local products, it will reduce the the imported goods to the country, as a result of that, it will use that money to improve other servecies.
    • For example, 4 years ago, when the center of the agriculture developement was built the near city that I live to, it helped the farmers with increasing of their farms which affected positively their productivity.
    • And this lead to reduction in the importantion of the grains that was cost an arm and a leg for the people who are living in the country.
    • As you can see, working on the agriculture would support on buying the local foods which will help in maintaining the local economy for the country.
    • Secondly, cultivating the agriculture would also demande more efforts to be done and this will open doors for unemployeed people to have a job.
    • Especially when the country is facing problems of employement, it will reduce the tenstion on the political parties who are running the country, and help them to manage the harsh situation the country may live in.
    • For instance, 2 years ago, when I was attending university, our agriculture professor explained to us, the necessity for improving the agriculture field for the benefits that it will bring with it.
    • And he argued that, if the goverment and the universities were to invest more in this field, it will increase in the profits of the country and its revenu.
    • Therefore, it will open doors for unmployeed workers who are looking to provide for their families, which will basically make most of the people benefit from it.
    • Having that said, agriculture is vital for the country to invest in more for the benefits that accompony it.
    • To conclude, business is essential for the country to work on.
    • However, ignoring the agriculture that would add more balance to the economy of the country, and therefore it will help in the investing in business later on which will help the goverment in reducing the imported stuff, and would also help workers in supporting their families.
    • I highly encourage the university to invest in the agriculture more in order to have a balanced economy in the country.

각 문장을 수정해주세요! - English

  • 제목
  • 문장 1
  • 문장 2
  • 문장 3
  • 문장 4
  • 문장 5
    • Use specific reasons in your recommendation With the modern society and the increase on the demand for more products and materials each year, many centers supported by the universities to be build in order to increase in the profits of the country.
      투표하세요!
    • Use specific reasons in your recommendation.¶¶With the modern society and the increase on the demand for more products and materials each year, many centers supported by the universities are to be buildt in order to increase in the profits of the country.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5
  • 문장 6
  • 문장 7
    • However, there are some people who choose a business center rather than an agriculture, others disagree and prefer building a farming center instead.
      투표하세요!
    • However, there are some people who would choose a business center rather than an agriculture center, others disagree and prefer building a farming center instead.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 7ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 7
  • 문장 8
  • 문장 9
    • First, investing in the agriculture field would increase in the productivity of the local products, which will maintain the economy in the country.
      투표하세요!
    • First, investing in the agriculture field would increase in the productivity of the local products, which will maintain the economy in the country.
      0% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 9ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 9
  • 문장 10
    • Because, when people buy the local products, it will reduce the the imported goods to the country, as a result of that, it will use that money to improve other servecies.
      투표하세요!
    • Because, wWhen people buy the local products, it will reduce the the imported goods to the country, as a result of that, it willcan use that money to improve other servecices.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 10ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 10
  • 문장 11
    • For example, 4 years ago, when the center of the agriculture developement was built the near city that I live to, it helped the farmers with increasing of their farms which affected positively their productivity.
      투표하세요!
    • For example, 4four years ago, when the center of the agriculture developement was built the near city that I live to, it helped the farmers withby increasing of their farms which affectedoutput which positively affected their productivity.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 11ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 11
  • 문장 12
    • And this lead to reduction in the importantion of the grains that was cost an arm and a leg for the people who are living in the country.
      투표하세요!
    • And tThis lead to reduction in the importantion of the grains that was costing an arm and a leg for the people who are living in the country.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 12ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 12
  • 문장 13
    • As you can see, working on the agriculture would support on buying the local foods which will help in maintaining the local economy for the country.
      투표하세요!
    • As you can see, working on the agriculture would support onincrease buying the local foods, which will help in maintaining the local economy for the country.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 13ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 13
  • 문장 14
    • Secondly, cultivating the agriculture would also demande more efforts to be done and this will open doors for unemployeed people to have a job.
      투표하세요!
    • Secondly, cultivating the agriculture would also demande more effortslabor to be done and this will open doors for unemployeed people to have a job.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 14ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 14
  • 문장 15
    • Especially when the country is facing problems of employement, it will reduce the tenstion on the political parties who are running the country, and help them to manage the harsh situation the country may live in.
      투표하세요!
    • Especially when the country is facing problems ofwith employement, it will reduce the tenstion on the political parties who are running the country, and help them to manage the harsh situation the country may live in.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 15ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 15
  • 문장 16
    • For instance, 2 years ago, when I was attending university, our agriculture professor explained to us, the necessity for improving the agriculture field for the benefits that it will bring with it.
      투표하세요!
    • For instance, 2two years ago, when I was attending my university, our agriculture professor explained to us, the necessity for improving the agriculture field for the benefits that it will bring with it.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 16ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 16
  • 문장 17
    • And he argued that, if the goverment and the universities were to invest more in this field, it will increase in the profits of the country and its revenu.
      투표하세요!
    • And hHe argued that, if the government and the universities were to invest more in this field, it will increase in the profits of the country and its revenue.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 17ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 17
  • 문장 18
    • Therefore, it will open doors for unmployeed workers who are looking to provide for their families, which will basically make most of the people benefit from it.
      투표하세요!
    • Therefore, it will open doorprovide jobs for unemployeed workers who are looking to provide for their families, which will basically makmake the most of the people who benefit from it.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 18ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 18
  • 문장 19
    • Having that said, agriculture is vital for the country to invest in more for the benefits that accompony it.
      투표하세요!
    • Having that said, agriculture is vital for the country to invest in moreainly for the benefits that accompoany it.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 19ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 19
  • 문장 20
    • To conclude, business is essential for the country to work on.
      투표하세요!
    • To conclude,Although, I do believe business is essential for the country to work on, ignoring the agricultural industry would keep us from having a balanced economy.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 20ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 20
  • 문장 21
    • However, ignoring the agriculture that would add more balance to the economy of the country, and therefore it will help in the investing in business later on which will help the goverment in reducing the imported stuff, and would also help workers in supporting their families.
      투표하세요!
    • However, ignoring the agriculture that would add more balance to the economy of the country, and tTherefore, it will help in the investing in business later on which willcan help the government into reducing the imported stuffproducts, and would also help workers in supporting their families.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 21ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 21
  • 문장 22
    • I highly encourage the university to invest in the agriculture more in order to have a balanced economy in the country.
      투표하세요!
    • In conclusion, I highly encourage the university to invest in the agriculture more in order to havto create a balanced economy in the country.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 22ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 22