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Brocky (으)로 부터 도착한메세지 - English

    • The benefits of building new factory

    • With the increase of the industrialisation and the demande for more products, new manufacturing factories are build almost every year in different areas, especially next to the park when there would be an open space for that.
    • Some people prefer of not building it whereas others agree with the idea.
    • In my view, I prefer building the new manufacturing factory near the park for two reasons.
    • First, building a new factory definitely will bring more jobs, and this will reduce the poverty in that arena and people would provide for their family to fillful their needs.
    • For example, in the past five years, we had new project of building new factory for selling sugar, and in the anoncment, for just building the project the constructor ran an announcement for seeking 2000 workers during 12 months, which really helped a lot of parents as well as young people who are in need to money in their daily lives.
    • And after building it, it was in need of another 1000 worker to handle all different operations as charing it, and driving buses and lorries to deliever the products into different places around the arena.
    • Additionally some people who may think that this action would add more pollution to the area, and this definitly is not the case with this factory, because of the new technology the factory was equiped by, which helped in reducing the normal pollution to 70% which was an amazing achievement.
    • So as you can see that this helped a lot of workers who were without money to support their families and provide for them, and helped in keep protecting the environnment.
    • Second, it would increase in the productivity and would reduce the price of certain products, and in this way people would invest their money in doing other things beside paying for these products who used to cost them a lot.
    • For instance, in the example that I spoke about previously, after building the factory, the sugar price and its products were reduced tremandeously, and this has helped lots of families who used to struggle for providing for their needs.
  • And helped them to save this extra money for other demands.
    • So as you can see by building a new factory would definitely help the productivity in the area as well as reducing the prices for these products which will help the families more.
    • In sum, some people may prefer not building a new factory next to their park, others would prefer to do so.
    • I prefer building it because it will help not only with providing more jobs for unemployed people, but also would increase the productivity in the arena and would reduce the prices for lots of products.
    • And thus, saving more money by these families who are in need to money.
    • So I would definitely encourage of supporting such actions in order for most of the people would benefit from it.

각 문장을 수정해주세요! - English

  • 제목
  • 문장 1
    • With the increase of the industrialisation and the demande for more products, new manufacturing factories are build almost every year in different areas, especially next to the park when there would be an open space for that.
      투표하세요!
    • With the increase ofin the industrialisation and the demande for more products, new manufacturing factories are buildt almost every year in different areas, especially next to the park when there would be an open space for that.
    • With the increase of the industrialiszation and the demande for more products, new manufacturing factories are build almost every year in different areas, especially next to the park when there would be an open space for that.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 1ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 1
  • 문장 2
  • 문장 3
  • 문장 4
    • First, building a new factory definitely will bring more jobs, and this will reduce the poverty in that arena and people would provide for their family to fillful their needs.
      투표하세요!
    • First, building a new factory definitely will bringcreate more jobs, and this will reduce the poverty in that arena and people would provide for their familyies to fillfulsatisfy their needs.
    • Firstly, building a new factory will definitely will bringcreate more jobs, and this will reduce the poverty in that arena and people would provide for their familyies to filulfuil their needs.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 4ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 4
  • 문장 5
    • For example, in the past five years, we had new project of building new factory for selling sugar, and in the anoncment, for just building the project the constructor ran an announcement for seeking 2000 workers during 12 months, which really helped a lot of parents as well as young people who are in need to money in their daily lives.
      투표하세요!
    • For example, inover the past five years, we hadve had a new project of building a new factory for selling sugar, and in the anoncment, for just building the project the constructor ran athere has been annouoncement fors of seeking 2000 workers during 12 months, which really helped a lot of parents as well as young people who are in need tof money in their daily lives.
    • For example, inover the past five years, we hadve had a new project of building a new factory forto selling sugar, and in the anoncment, for just building the project the constructor r. The constructor sent out an an announcement for seeking for 2000 workers during 12 months,, which really helped a lot of parents as well as young people who are in need tof money in their daily lives.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5
  • 문장 6
    • And after building it, it was in need of another 1000 worker to handle all different operations as charing it, and driving buses and lorries to deliever the products into different places around the arena.
      투표하세요!
    • And after building it, it was in need of another 1000 workerthere required 100 more employees to handle all different operations as charing it, and driving buses and lorries to deliever the products into different places around the arena.
    • And after building it, it wasthey were in need of another 1000 workers to handle all differentother operations as charing it, andin the factory, driving buses and lorries to deliever the products into different places around the arena.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 6ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 6
  • 문장 7
    • Additionally some people who may think that this action would add more pollution to the area, and this definitly is not the case with this factory, because of the new technology the factory was equiped by, which helped in reducing the normal pollution to 70% which was an amazing achievement.
      투표하세요!
    • Additionally sSome people who may think that this actions would add more pollution to the area, and t. This definitly is not the case withof this factory, because of the. Thanks to new technology the factory was equiped by, which helped in reducingwith, the normal pollution has reduced to 70% which was an amazing achievement.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 7ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 7
  • 문장 8
    • So as you can see that this helped a lot of workers who were without money to support their families and provide for them, and helped in keep protecting the environnment.
      투표하세요!
    • So as you can see that this helped a lot of workers who were without money to support their families and provide for them, and helped into keep protecting the environnment.
    • So aAs you can see thattell this helped a lot of workers who were without money to support their families and provide for them, and helped into keep protecting the environnment.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 8ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 8
  • 문장 9
    • Second, it would increase in the productivity and would reduce the price of certain products, and in this way people would invest their money in doing other things beside paying for these products who used to cost them a lot.
      투표하세요!
    • Secondly, it would increase in the productivity and would reduce the price of certain products, and in this way people would invest their money in doing other things besideinstead of paying for these products whoich used to cost them a lot more.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 9ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 9
  • 문장 10
    • For instance, in the example that I spoke about previously, after building the factory, the sugar price and its products were reduced tremandeously, and this has helped lots of families who used to struggle for providing for their needs.
      투표하세요!
    • For instance, in the example that I spoke about previously, after building the factory, the sugar price and its products were reduced tremandeously, and this has helped lots of families who used to struggle forto providinge for their needs.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 10ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 10
  • 문장 11
  • 문장 12
    • So as you can see by building a new factory would definitely help the productivity in the area as well as reducing the prices for these products which will help the families more.
      투표하세요!
    • So as you can see, by building a new factory it would definitely help the productivity in the area as well as reducing the prices for these products which will help the families more.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 12ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 12
  • 문장 13
    • In sum, some people may prefer not building a new factory next to their park, others would prefer to do so.
      투표하세요!
    • InTo summarize, some people may prefer not building a new factory next to their park, others would prefer to do so.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 13ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 13
  • 문장 14
    • I prefer building it because it will help not only with providing more jobs for unemployed people, but also would increase the productivity in the arena and would reduce the prices for lots of products.
      투표하세요!
    • I prefer building it because it will help not only withby providing more jobs for unemployed people, but also would also increase the productivity in the arena and would reduce the prices for lots of products.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 14ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 14
  • 문장 15
  • 문장 16
    • So I would definitely encourage of supporting such actions in order for most of the people would benefit from it.
      투표하세요!
    • So I would definitely encourage of supporting such actions in order forbecause most of the people would benefit from it.
      100% GOOD (1 votes)
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 16ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 16