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georgina_suyi (으)로 부터 도착한메세지 - English

    • my composition

    • Do you agree or disagree the following statement?
    • It is better to spend money on something that lasts a long time, such as an expensive piece of jewelry, than on something that provides short-time pleasure, such as a vacation According to the statement above, different people hold different opinions of course, because their various life experiences and their own attitude to spend money.
    • For example, someone think expensive thing can show their high level taste and can make them feel special.
    • However in my opinion I disagree about it.
    • I think spend money on something that provides short-time pleasure is more worthy based on following reason.
    • First, although expensive things is good-looking, it’s sometimes not that useful.
    • If you buy an expensive limited basketball, you must prefer to put it in to you collection case than playing it whit your friend.
    • And you are afraid to lose it or broken it.
    • Of course you are very happy when you just buy it, but how about fifty years after when you not a basketball fan, will you still happy to have a basketball which can’t play?
    • On the contrary, if you spend that money on the fee of rent a basketball playground with your friend, the memory of that day will stay on your mind forever.
    • After fifty years later, you will still happy when you think about that day.
    • Second, spend money on expensive item just can give you that certain thing while spend time on the thing that provides short-time pleasure will give you more.
    • Take spend money on vacation for example, you can not only have the wonderful memory but also the knowledge.
    • When you traveling, you can know the history and culture of that place, and you can feel the life style of that place personally which you can’t feel from books or website.
    • What’s more it also can broaden your social circle, you can meet lots of people when you travel even you can meet your life- long friend.
    • So, although every people like experience and fancy items, it’s not as valuable as the thing which can provides us short-time pleasure, such as vacation or just a simple meal with dear friend.

각 문장을 수정해주세요! - English

  • 제목
  • 문장 1
  • 문장 2
    • It is better to spend money on something that lasts a long time, such as an expensive piece of jewelry, than on something that provides short-time pleasure, such as a vacation According to the statement above, different people hold different opinions of course, because their various life experiences and their own attitude to spend money.
      투표하세요!
    • It is better to spend money on something that lasts a long time, such as an expensive piece of jewellery, than on something that provides short-time pleasure, such as a vacation.¶¶According to the statement above,Of course different people hold different opinions of course, because of their various life experiences and their own attitude to spending money.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 2ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 2
  • 문장 3
    • For example, someone think expensive thing can show their high level taste and can make them feel special.
      투표하세요!
    • For example, someone think expensive thing can show their high level taste and can make them feel special.
      투표하세요!
    • For example, someon people think expensive thing cans show their high level of taste and can make them feel special.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 3ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 3
  • 문장 4
  • 문장 5
    • I think spend money on something that provides short-time pleasure is more worthy based on following reason.
      투표하세요!
    • I think spending money on something that provides short-time pleasure is more worthy based on following reasenjoyment requires the following consideration.:
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5
  • 문장 6
  • 문장 7
    • If you buy an expensive limited basketball, you must prefer to put it in to you collection case than playing it whit your friend.
      투표하세요!
    • If you buy an expensive limited basketball, you must prefer to put it in to you collection case than playing it whith your friend.
      투표하세요!
    • If you buy an expensive limited basketball, you mustwould prefer to putkeep it in to your collection case rather than playing with it whith your friend.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 7ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 7
  • 문장 8
  • 문장 9
    • Of course you are very happy when you just buy it, but how about fifty years after when you not a basketball fan, will you still happy to have a basketball which can’t play?
      투표하세요!
    • Of course you are initially very happy when you just buy it, but how about fifty years lafter when you notare no longer a basketball fan, willould you still be happy to have a basketball which you can’t play with?
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 9ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 9
  • 문장 10
    • On the contrary, if you spend that money on the fee of rent a basketball playground with your friend, the memory of that day will stay on your mind forever.
      투표하세요!
    • On the contraryother hand, if you spend that money onto pay the fee of renting a basketball playground with your friend, the memory of that day will stay oin your mind forever.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 10ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 10
  • 문장 11
  • 문장 12
    • Second, spend money on expensive item just can give you that certain thing while spend time on the thing that provides short-time pleasure will give you more.
      투표하세요!
    • Second, spending money on an expensive item will just can give you that certain thing while spending time on the something that provides short-timelong-term pleasure will give you more.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 12ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 12
  • 문장 13
    • Take spend money on vacation for example, you can not only have the wonderful memory but also the knowledge.
      투표하세요!
    • Take spending money on a vacation for example, you canwill not only have the wonderful memory but also the knowledgexperience.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 13ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 13
  • 문장 14
    • When you traveling, you can know the history and culture of that place, and you can feel the life style of that place personally which you can’t feel from books or website.
      투표하세요!
    • When you are traveling, you can knowlearn the history and culture of thate place, and you can feelexperience the life style of that place personally which you can’t feeljust from books or websites.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 14ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 14
  • 문장 15
    • What’s more it also can broaden your social circle, you can meet lots of people when you travel even you can meet your life- long friend.
      투표하세요!
    • What’s more it can also can broaden your social circle, you can meet lots of people when you travel, even you can meet youra life- long friend.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 15ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 15
  • 문장 16
    • So, although every people like experience and fancy items, it’s not as valuable as the thing which can provides us short-time pleasure, such as vacation or just a simple meal with dear friend.
      투표하세요!
    • So, although every peoplone likes experiencnsive and fancy items, it’s not as valuable as the something which can provides us short-time pleasurewith long-term memories, such as a vacation or just a simple meal with a dear friend. ¶
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 16ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 16