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  • Career Development Vs Friends and Family

  • It is believed that spending time on developing one’s career is very important for some people.
    • However, others think that spending time with relatives and mates is more important.
    • This essay is going to discuss both points of views and point out some advantages for a person in spending time with people who are important to them.
    • In the modern world career development has become one of the elements of a successful person, so this kind of person spends less time with his or her friends or relatives than does his or her job.
    • For this types of people goals completion are more important rather that are going out with someone who their well know.
    • They have plans and diseases which make them feel alive.
    • However, sometimes, at the end their life, they become lonely and some of them die very quickly after retirement.
  • On the other hand, there are people who appreciate their relationships with relatives and friends.
    • For them working in an office is tougher than eating out with a mate.
    • For this kind of people work is not as important as walking in the park with their family.
    • They like to call a friend and speak for hours.
  • When they are together with a valuable person, they feel alive.
    • Therefore, at the end of their career they are living happily and have a meaningful life for a long time after retirement.
    • In conclusion, there are people who have different goals in their life, so some people prefer investing the time in career development to investing time in relationships.
    • However, in my opinion, spending time with a meaningful person is the most important thing for each human being.

각 문장을 수정해주세요! - English

  • 제목
  • 문장 1
  • 문장 2
  • 문장 3
    • This essay is going to discuss both points of views and point out some advantages for a person in spending time with people who are important to them.
      투표하세요!
    • This essay is going to discuss both viewpoints of views and point out some advantages for a person in spending time with people who areand consider the advantages of building relationships with important to thempeople.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 3ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 3
  • 문장 4
    • In the modern world career development has become one of the elements of a successful person, so this kind of person spends less time with his or her friends or relatives than does his or her job.
      투표하세요!
    • In the modern worldour society, career development has become one of the elementsis the mark of a successful person, soften this kind of persoresults in spendsing less time with his or herone's friends orand relatives than does his or her job.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 4ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 4
  • 문장 5
    • For this types of people goals completion are more important rather that are going out with someone who their well know.
      투표하세요!
    • For thisese types of people, goals completion areis more important rather that are going out with someone who their well knowthan being in a relationship.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5
  • 문장 6
  • 문장 7
    • However, sometimes, at the end their life, they become lonely and some of them die very quickly after retirement.
      투표하세요!
    • However, sometimes, at the end their life, they can become lonely and some of them die very quicklysoon after retirement.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 7ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 7
  • 문장 8
  • 문장 9
  • 문장 10
  • 문장 11
  • 문장 12
  • 문장 13
    • Therefore, at the end of their career they are living happily and have a meaningful life for a long time after retirement.
      투표하세요!
    • Therefore, at the end of their career they are livinglive happily and have a meaningful life for a long timeves, even after retirement.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 13ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 13
  • 문장 14
    • In conclusion, there are people who have different goals in their life, so some people prefer investing the time in career development to investing time in relationships.
      투표하세요!
    • In conclusion, there are people who have different goals in their life, so some people prefer to investing their time in career development to investing time instead of relationships.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 14ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 14
  • 문장 15
    • However, in my opinion, spending time with a meaningful person is the most important thing for each human being.
      투표하세요!
    • However, in my opinion, spending time with a meaningful person is one of the most important thing for eachs in a human being's life.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 15ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 15