Corrections

Text from Cristian94 - English

  • Entering the Hall of Whispers- Part Two

    • Once again I found myself trying to improve my English writing skill by using Robert E. Howard’s work.
    • I just want to make clear that the following is just an exercise in which I took Howard’s tales and narrated them from my perspective, inventing very little .
    • I would really love to receive any feedback you can give me, guys  thanks for reading my exercise!
    • Entering the Hall of Whispers-Part Two The whole scene communicated that something was wrong: terribly wrong.
    • Heimdul was afraid, he didn’t know why, but he was literally terrified.
    • An uncommon feeling for those of his race, born to be fighters.
    • He kept wandering what the purpose of that miserable king had been and also if he really had deserved to be doomed for eternity in that hall full of wrath and tears.
    • Nearby the throne, on the left hand side and before the Skeleton King who laid dormant, a deep black shadow was twitching, moving around the throne area like a trustful soldier, a ultimate protection against some sort of perilous enemy.
    • In the quietness of the hall a horse came trotting from a side door that Heimdul didn’t see before.
    • A graceful white steed, one of a kind.
    • A somnambulist animal who gaited slowly toward the throne’s direction.
    • As the horse stopped his graceful ride, a black dog raised from the shadow that surrounded the wooden throne: the dog was black as midnight, black as a pitch and obscure as the darkness he came from.
    • He stepped forward descending the flight of stairs before the throne and turned around looking in the direction of Heimdul, he was undoubtedly protecting his master from who he assumed would be a potential threat.
    • All of a sudden the Skeleton figure got up from the throne and immediately touched the dog: his hand was skeletal with almost no human flesh on the fingers and though he meant the dog no harm, his hold was firm and strong.
    • In that weird theatrical act Heimdul was nothing more that a passive spectator, lost in the vicissitudes of events whose meaning was far beyond his understanding.
    • The right hand of the Skeleton king had a ring on his middle finger: shining in the tiny glimmer of the hall, the ring revelled a red stone in its centre of a shape of a lotus flower whit several carvings around it.
    • “He will not harm us, Sairen!” The Skeleton King said calming the dog.
    • His tone of voice was very low and almost imperceptible, a whisper.
    • “Come” he said, referring now to the white horse- “Come here, Atali my Love, my frozen flame!” And as he talked the horse turned into a beautiful woman with red locks, naked and irresistible.
    • The Skeleton King and the frozen beauty kissed passionately with the indomitable fury of an old love that goes beyond centuries and will never fade.
    • With an irresistible fleer of his skinny face, the Skeleton King said softly, almost whispering: “ It appears that an old friend of yours has answered our call as well” And then pointed the same entrance from where Atali had come before.
    • Heimdul heard steps coming from that passage and he exclaimed: “By Odin!!”.
    • The Skeleton King began to laugh loudly and deeply, holding Atali harder than before....

PLEASE, HELP TO CORRECT EACH SENTENCE! - English

  • Title
  • Sentence 1
  • Sentence 2
    • I just want to make clear that the following is just an exercise in which I took Howard’s tales and narrated them from my perspective, inventing very little .
      Vote now!
    • I just want to make clear that the following is just an exercise in which I took Howard’s tales and narrated them from my perspective, inventing very little.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 2ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 2
  • Sentence 3
  • Sentence 4
  • Sentence 5
  • Sentence 6
  • Sentence 7
    • He kept wandering what the purpose of that miserable king had been and also if he really had deserved to be doomed for eternity in that hall full of wrath and tears.
      Vote now!
    • He kept waondering what the purpose of that miserable king had been and also if he really had deserved to be doomed for eternity in that hall full of wrath and tears.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 7ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 7
  • Sentence 8
    • Nearby the throne, on the left hand side and before the Skeleton King who laid dormant, a deep black shadow was twitching, moving around the throne area like a trustful soldier, a ultimate protection against some sort of perilous enemy.
      Vote now!
    • Nearby the throne, on the left hand side and before the Skeleton King who laidie dormant, a deep black shadow was twitching, moving around the throne area like a trustful soldier, ; an ultimate protection against some sort of perilous enemy.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 8ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 8
  • Sentence 9
  • Sentence 10
  • Sentence 11
  • Sentence 12
    • As the horse stopped his graceful ride, a black dog raised from the shadow that surrounded the wooden throne: the dog was black as midnight, black as a pitch and obscure as the darkness he came from.
      Vote now!
    • As the horse stopped his graceful ride, a black dog raiosed from the shadow that surrounded the wooden throne: t. The dog was black as midnight, pitch black, as a pitch andnd as obscure as the darkness from which he came from.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 12ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 12
  • Sentence 13
    • He stepped forward descending the flight of stairs before the throne and turned around looking in the direction of Heimdul, he was undoubtedly protecting his master from who he assumed would be a potential threat.
      Vote now!
    • He stepped forward, descending the flight of stairs before the throne and turned around, looking in the direction of Heimdul, h. He was undoubtedly protecting his master from whom he assumed would be a potential threat.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 13ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 13
  • Sentence 14
    • All of a sudden the Skeleton figure got up from the throne and immediately touched the dog: his hand was skeletal with almost no human flesh on the fingers and though he meant the dog no harm, his hold was firm and strong.
      Vote now!
    • All of a sudden, the Sskeleton-like figure got up from the throne and immediately touchgrasped the dog: h. His hand was skeletal with almost no human flesh on the fingers, and though he meant the dog no harm, his hold was firm and strong.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 14ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 14
  • Sentence 15
    • In that weird theatrical act Heimdul was nothing more that a passive spectator, lost in the vicissitudes of events whose meaning was far beyond his understanding.
      Vote now!
    • In that weird theatrical act, Heimdul was nothing more thatn a passive spectator, lost in the vicissitudes of events whose meaning was far beyond his understanding.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 15ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 15
  • Sentence 16
    • The right hand of the Skeleton king had a ring on his middle finger: shining in the tiny glimmer of the hall, the ring revelled a red stone in its centre of a shape of a lotus flower whit several carvings around it.
      Vote now!
    • The right hand of the Sskeleton king had a ring on his middle finger:, shining in the tiny glimmer of the hall, t. The ring revelaled a red stone i. In its centre of a shapeer, there was a shape like that of a lotus flower whith several carvings around it.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 16ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 16
  • Sentence 17
  • Sentence 18
  • Sentence 19
    • “Come” he said, referring now to the white horse- “Come here, Atali my Love, my frozen flame!” And as he talked the horse turned into a beautiful woman with red locks, naked and irresistible.
      Vote now!
    • “Come,” he said, referring now to the white horse-,Ccome here, Atali, my Llove, my frozen flame!” And as he talked, the horse turned into a beautiful woman with red locks,; naked and irresistible.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 19ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 19
  • Sentence 20
    • The Skeleton King and the frozen beauty kissed passionately with the indomitable fury of an old love that goes beyond centuries and will never fade.
      Vote now!
    • The Skeleton King and the frozenwhite beauty kissed passionately with the indomitable fury of an old love that goes beyond centuries and will never fades.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 20ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 20
  • Sentence 21
    • With an irresistible fleer of his skinny face, the Skeleton King said softly, almost whispering: “ It appears that an old friend of yours has answered our call as well” And then pointed the same entrance from where Atali had come before.
      Vote now!
    • With an irresistible fleersmile of his skinny face, the Skeleton King said softly, almost whispering:, It appears that an old friend of yours has answered our call as well.And thenHe pointed at the same entrance from whereich Atali had come before.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 21ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 21
  • Sentence 22
  • Sentence 23