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theBird (으)로 부터 도착한메세지 - English

  • televison

  • Throughout this century the role of our life has significantly changed, most people from all over the world believe it is for better.
  • However, some believes disadvantages for some new features could be more than their advantages which push most of them to make people pay attention to it to attempt to avoid its danger such as television.
  • Others have another point of view.
  • Neglecting the partner, children, and social life as the result of spending long time watching television, is the most horrific mistake the person could trap in it without their realisation and it might affect the person itself, even worse to the children by looking deeply of the reason of increasing in crimes among teenagers.
  • In addition, the television’s lovers are usually suffering from obesity which considered as an epidemic in most modern societies not to mention its bad effect on the eye sight, and it controls their minds making them act and emulate some unacceptable behaviour in the society.
  • Watching television defenders believes that television is the cheapest way to have entertainment, it give an opportunity to watch exciting film with the whole family without need to buy ticket for every member, what is more, it is a good learning material because it explain science idea and history in “documentaries films ” Talking all these points into consideration I think we can gain its advantages and avoid the harm that it could cause by manage out time to fit the television around the family and social life.

각 문장을 수정해주세요! - English

  • 제목
  • 문장 1
    • Throughout this century the role of our life has significantly changed, most people from all over the world believe it is for better.
      투표하세요!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 1ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 1
  • 문장 2
    • However, some believes disadvantages for some new features could be more than their advantages which push most of them to make people pay attention to it to attempt to avoid its danger such as television.
      투표하세요!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 2ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 2
  • 문장 3
  • 문장 4
    • Neglecting the partner, children, and social life as the result of spending long time watching television, is the most horrific mistake the person could trap in it without their realisation and it might affect the person itself, even worse to the children by looking deeply of the reason of increasing in crimes among teenagers.
      투표하세요!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 4ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 4
  • 문장 5
    • In addition, the television’s lovers are usually suffering from obesity which considered as an epidemic in most modern societies not to mention its bad effect on the eye sight, and it controls their minds making them act and emulate some unacceptable behaviour in the society.
      투표하세요!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 5
  • 문장 6
    • Watching television defenders believes that television is the cheapest way to have entertainment, it give an opportunity to watch exciting film with the whole family without need to buy ticket for every member, what is more, it is a good learning material because it explain science idea and history in “documentaries films ” Talking all these points into consideration I think we can gain its advantages and avoid the harm that it could cause by manage out time to fit the television around the family and social life.
      투표하세요!
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 6ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - 문장 6