Difference between revisions of "Language/English/Vocabulary/Humor"
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[[File:mousman.gif|thumb|none]] | [[File:mousman.gif|thumb|none]] | ||
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<div style="font-size:200%;"> Jokes to share with friends</div> | |||
==Q and A== | |||
Q: What goes up and down but does not move? | Q: What goes up and down but does not move? | ||
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A: Because the bed won't come to you! | A: Because the bed won't come to you! | ||
==AT SCHOOL== | |||
*Teacher: “Give me a sentence starting with the letter ‘I'”. | |||
*Pupil: “I is-“ | |||
*Teacher: “No, you must always say ‘I am’.” | |||
*Pupil: “Okay, ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet’.” | |||
==PUNCTUATION== | |||
*An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: “woman without her man is nothing”. The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly. | |||
*The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” | |||
*The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.” | |||
==SMART BOY== | |||
*Father: Son, what are your results in the end of term examination? | |||
*Son: Underwater. | |||
*Father: What do you mean, underwater? | |||
*Son: Below “C” level. | |||
==ESKIMO== | |||
*1st Eskimo: Where did your mother come from? | |||
*2nd Eskimo: Alaska* | |||
*1st Eskimo: Don’t bother, I’ll ask her myself! | |||
==DON’T GENERALIZE== | |||
In a school in the States, the teacher had just described Christopher Columbus’ discovery of America. | |||
“Just imagine, children, if he had not risked the ocean, you would not be here today. Wasn’t he marvellous?” | |||
All the children cheered, except one. | |||
“Aren’t you pleased young fellow?” | |||
“No miss.” | |||
“Why?” | |||
“I’m an Indian.” | |||
==SCOTSMAN== | |||
McTavish, a Scotsman*, went to a ski resort. He told the instructor, | |||
“I want to learn to ski on one leg.” | “I want to learn to ski on one leg.” | ||
“Certainly sir, but why?” | “Certainly sir, but why?” | ||
“I’ll only need to hire one ski.” | “I’ll only need to hire one ski.” | ||
==POSTMAN== | |||
Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged. | Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged. | ||
Man: No, it can’t be for me, my name is Smith | Man: No, it can’t be for me, my name is Smith | ||
==DARK HUMOR== | |||
What’s better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag? | What’s better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag? | ||
1 dead baby in 10 bags. | 1 dead baby in 10 bags. | ||
Revision as of 20:05, 19 August 2019
Q and A
Q: What goes up and down but does not move?
A: Stairs
Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: I will meet you at the corner.
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: Why do bicycles fall over?
A: Because they are two-tired!
Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?
A: So they can fight knights!
Q: What part of the car is the laziest?
A: The wheels, because they are always tired!
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: Stick with me and we will go places!
Q: Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?
A: They had just finished a March of 31 days.
Q: Which hand is it better to write with?
A: Neither, it's best to write with a pen!
Q: Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
A: He wanted to find Pluto!
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
A: A minnie van!
Q: Why do you go to bed every night?
A: Because the bed won't come to you!
AT SCHOOL
- Teacher: “Give me a sentence starting with the letter ‘I'”.
- Pupil: “I is-“
- Teacher: “No, you must always say ‘I am’.”
- Pupil: “Okay, ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet’.”
PUNCTUATION
- An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: “woman without her man is nothing”. The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
- The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
- The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”
SMART BOY
- Father: Son, what are your results in the end of term examination?
- Son: Underwater.
- Father: What do you mean, underwater?
- Son: Below “C” level.
ESKIMO
- 1st Eskimo: Where did your mother come from?
- 2nd Eskimo: Alaska*
- 1st Eskimo: Don’t bother, I’ll ask her myself!
DON’T GENERALIZE
In a school in the States, the teacher had just described Christopher Columbus’ discovery of America.
“Just imagine, children, if he had not risked the ocean, you would not be here today. Wasn’t he marvellous?”
All the children cheered, except one.
“Aren’t you pleased young fellow?”
“No miss.”
“Why?”
“I’m an Indian.”
SCOTSMAN
McTavish, a Scotsman*, went to a ski resort. He told the instructor,
“I want to learn to ski on one leg.”
“Certainly sir, but why?”
“I’ll only need to hire one ski.”
POSTMAN
Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.
Man: No, it can’t be for me, my name is Smith
DARK HUMOR
What’s better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag?
1 dead baby in 10 bags.