Corrections

Text from anzi123 - English

  • An epidemic of beauty sickness

    • Today my English teacher Jenny sent me a TED talk, the topic of this talk is “An epidemic of beauty sickness.” The speaker believes that nowadays women are too busy with their beauty, they worry so much about their weight and body shape, the colour of their skin, the fashion style of their clothes…They pay much more attention to these stuff other than to their family or career.
  • This is absolutely a kind of sickness.
  • I feel connected with this talk.
    • It reminds me an experience that happened two weeks ago.
    • Two weeks ago, I published a criticism in China’s most active social media about one of the most popular fashion styles in China what is the so-called “old money” style.
    • I feel sick when I open social media there are all these styles of photos.
    • So I wrote a criticism that this kind of style is toxic, it is nothing but shallow and vein.
  • It reflects people’s worship of money, which makes me feel very uncomfortable.
    • I published this on my personal social media account, I didn’t suppose this criticism would arouse such a heated argument later.
    • After several hours, when I woke up in the morning and checked my social media, it showed over 70 thousand of people had read this criticism.
    • And I received over 600 likes and over 100 comments.
    • In these comments, only 20 percent of people support my idea, the rest of the comments are all objections with strong emotions.
    • Some people are very angry and feel offended, they even call me different kinds of names.
    • The major objections have several perspectives: Firstly, I wrote “it is a pity if women only stop at the physical level, women could have gone further to go beyond these makeup stuff and to explore the wide spiritual world.” Some people think I think so only because I am already rich.
    • And why they think so is because they found my computer IP location is in the UK.
    • Actually, I came to the UK because I got a full scholarship, but I think this is my privacy and I don’t feel it is necessary to share it with these stupid people.
  • Secondly, some people point out the importance of having money.
  • They think there is nothing wrong with women having a strong desire for money since life without money can be very miserable.
    • Sometimes women don’t have much money, and they can’t change this fact in a short time, but they can dress in an ‘old money” style to pretend they are rich, which makes them feel better, which is nothing wrong.
    • About this point, I do agree that money is of course necessary for women’s independence, Virginia Woolf once said:” women need a room of their own”.
    • However, I understand someone like the “old money” style, and I’m no problem with it.
    • What makes me feel weird is this kind of fashion style has become a dominant style in society, if a style becomes dominant, if you can find this kind of style everywhere every time, people will feel there is potential pressure to follow this style, which is a big problem.
  • I didn’t finish but I am tired now.
  • I published this criticism because I really cherish women from my deep heart, I hope women can be free and just be themselves.
    • I published this with love, but I received swearing, to be honest, sometimes I do feel cold.
    • And don’t want to say anything ever again.
  • The potential pressure of being beautiful is a thing that comes from the inequality between men and women.
    • Don’t care so much about this nonsense.
  • Just be yourself.

PLEASE, HELP TO CORRECT EACH SENTENCE! - English

  • Title
  • Sentence 1
    • Today my English teacher Jenny sent me a TED talk, the topic of this talk is “An epidemic of beauty sickness.” The speaker believes that nowadays women are too busy with their beauty, they worry so much about their weight and body shape, the colour of their skin, the fashion style of their clothes…They pay much more attention to these stuff other than to their family or career.
      Vote now!
    • Today my English teacher Jenny sent me a TED talk, the topic of this talk isbeing “An epidemic of beauty sickness.” The speaker believes that nowadays women are too busy with their beauty, t. They worry so much about their weight and body shape, the colour of their skin, the fashion style of their clothes…They pay much more attention to these stuff otherthings than to their family or career.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 1ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 1
  • Sentence 2
  • Sentence 3
  • Sentence 4
  • Sentence 5
    • Two weeks ago, I published a criticism in China’s most active social media about one of the most popular fashion styles in China what is the so-called “old money” style.
      Vote now!
    • Two weeks ago, I published a criticism in China’s most active social media about one of the most popular fashion styles in China what is, the so-called “old money” style.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 5ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 5
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  • Sentence 10
    • After several hours, when I woke up in the morning and checked my social media, it showed over 70 thousand of people had read this criticism.
      Vote now!
    • After several hours, when I woke up in the morning and checked my social media, it showed over 70 thousand of people had read this my criticismal article.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 10ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 10
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  • Sentence 14
    • The major objections have several perspectives: Firstly, I wrote “it is a pity if women only stop at the physical level, women could have gone further to go beyond these makeup stuff and to explore the wide spiritual world.” Some people think I think so only because I am already rich.
      Vote now!
    • The major objections have several perspectives: Firstly, I wrote “it is a pity if women only stop at the physical level, women could have gone further to go beyond these makeup stuff and to explored the wider spiritual world.” Some people think that I think so only because I am already rich.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 14ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 14
  • Sentence 15
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    • Actually, I came to the UK because I got a full scholarship, but I think this is my privacy and I don’t feel it is necessary to share it with these stupid people.
      Vote now!
    • Actually, I came to the UK because I got a full scholarship, but I think this is my privacyte information and I don’t feel it is necessary to share it with these stupid people.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 16ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 16
  • Sentence 17
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  • Sentence 19
    • Sometimes women don’t have much money, and they can’t change this fact in a short time, but they can dress in an ‘old money” style to pretend they are rich, which makes them feel better, which is nothing wrong.
      Vote now!
    • Sometimes women don’t have much money, and they can’t change this fact in a short time, b. But they can dress in an "old money” style to pretend they are rich, which makes them feel better, which is doing nothing wrong.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 19ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 19
  • Sentence 20
    • About this point, I do agree that money is of course necessary for women’s independence, Virginia Woolf once said:” women need a room of their own”.
      Vote now!
    • About this point, I do agree that money is of course necessary for women’s independence, just as Virginia Woolf once said: women need a room of their own”.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 20ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 20
  • Sentence 21
  • Sentence 22
    • What makes me feel weird is this kind of fashion style has become a dominant style in society, if a style becomes dominant, if you can find this kind of style everywhere every time, people will feel there is potential pressure to follow this style, which is a big problem.
      Vote now!
    • What makes me feel weird is that this kind of fashion style has become a dominant style in society, i. If a style becomes dominant, and if you can find this kind of style everywhere every time, then people will feelfeel that there is potential pressure to follow thissuch a style, which is a big problem.
    • ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 22ADD a NEW CORRECTION! - Sentence 22
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